Disclaimer: This came flowing out of my mischievous mind after glancing at yet one more article on ascension symptoms.
This is satire. Yes, I know this is irreverent. As you will see, many of the new-age sacred cows bring out the anarchist in me.
My dear friend called this article “caustic”. Gotta love a friend who’s willing to tell you the truth as he sees it.
And, certainly, there are no dreams that can ever prove anything. I’m just being silly. That’s not what dreams are for.
Plus or Minus 10 Dreams You Might Have Had
Dream #1: You are writing an article to submit to all “waking up” or “ascension” websites, hoping to make a name for yourself (names are important, but we’ll talk about that in Dream #5). You decide the title has to begin with the number 10 — or at least a 9 if you can’t think of 10 things.
Why? Because you read somewhere that 10 is the perfect number and, besides, we programmed-humans just can’t stop counting. We are fascinated by where/how/why others would rate us — using an array of graphs, charts, grading systems, etc. — designed by self-proclaimed experts.
We love experts. Experts relieve us of the responsibility to know who we really are. Besides, numbered lists are rumored to be a great marketing tool for getting readers to look at your stuff. Experts always have documented tests to show the numbers are right, as well as documented numbers to show the tests are right.
In this dream, you imagine you are awake. The imagining doesn’t ring true, so you switch to wondering if maybe you were only half asleep. Nothing seems really real so you decide to scrap this whole plan and write something else.
Dream #2: You are making a list of all your evolved qualities and comparing it with lists you think would apply to your neighbors. Of course, you can’t ask your neighbors to write their own lists because they aren’t really here. This is your dream. If they want control of the list, they can make their own dreams.
Lists are important. How else are we going to find out where we stand? If we don’t know where we stand, how do we know where we are?
Once again, as in Dream #1, you dream of tearing up the list, but this time you go back to sleep. You wake up in the dream to see your list has mysteriously evolved into the perfect feel-good article. It was also somehow published without your knowledge and has now gone viral. Your inbox is filled with notes from new followers. You know you must be half asleep but aren’t sure you want to wake up. You decide to stay where you are for now and leave any further thought of waking up for Dream #3.
Dream #3: One foot still in Dream #2, you find yourself writing a way to prove that nothing in your life has anything to do with you, except the good stuff of course. You have a hunch many others will want to follow your path.
“10 Signs You Have Ascended beyond the Need to Ascend” starts to write itself. You are so excited that all 10 signs proving your special status are coming to you out of thin air. The words come to you so quickly, you suspect this is a sign of hidden genius. You make a note to yourself to look for 10 signs you have always been a genius as soon as you have the time. That might have to wait until Dream #6. You look down at the note you just wrote and watch it disappear before your eyes. Okay, maybe this part is a dream, but you know you must be awake because you’ve already fast-forwarded to the part where millions of people read your article and find the irrefutable proof that they, too, are above it all.
Dream #4: Uncertain as to whether or not you ever woke up from Dream #2 or #3, you find yourself coasting on a magic carpet to nowhere, woven together by fantasies of being more important to other people than they are to themselves. As you blissfully float along, you scan an imaginary cyberspace for ideas. If you are going to make it, you need 10 more articles guaranteed to capture the attention of the awakening-in-the-dream crowd. You know you need 10 articles because, as you drift along, 10 signs appear in the sky to show you that you’ll be a failure unless you write all 10. You pretend to be surprised that the number of signs in the sky is exactly 10. You were looking for 10 and there they were. Somebody important told you there should be 10 signs. Amazing, isn’t it, how what you expected showed up right on cue.
Your attention shifts to a previously-unnoticed book of numbers sitting next to you. It is opened to a page that tells you that the stars are perfectly aligned for you to succeed — but you only have 10 more minutes. If you don’t accomplish your goal by then, you have to wait 10,000 more years before you have another chance. Your ascension, your self-worth and placement in some made-up universe depends on your timely completion of this formidable task.
Shocked into action by the ticking clock, you work at it feverishly, coming up with these titles:
- 10 Symptoms that You are Not Ascending and Might Get Left Behind
- 10 Ways to Get Back on Track to Ascend before Your Time Runs Out
- 10 Signs You are from a Better Place than This and Don’t Belong Here
- 10 Clues You Will Never Find Your Twin Flame
- 10 Ways to Move and Leave Yourself Behind without a Clue as to Who You Were
- 10 Disease Symptoms that Could Be Caused by Physical or Spiritual Imbalance, or Both
- 10 Signs that Prove, without a Doubt, that Tomorrow will not be Today
In this dream, the ideas are now flowing in so quickly you can barely write them down. You are on fire. Two more just pop in from nowhere.
- 10 Things about Your Face that Define Who You Will Always Be and There’s Nothing You Can Do About It
- 10 Must-Read Key Affirmations that Will Unleash All Your Dormant Powers
You’ve made it to 9 when inspiration suddenly stops. If only you had a twin flame to relight the fire. Unfortunately, you already acknowledged the presence in your life of all 10 clues indicating you’ll never find your twin flame.
You desperately look across the universe for an escape hatch and notice a dreamworld where eight is the perfect number in any list. If you dream yourself over into that other world, you’ll be positioned well above the rest of the dreamers there. All is not lost for you. You stand up on your carpet to make the fateful leap. But you pause. You just thought of something. One more article pops into your mind:
- 10 Ways to Prove You’ll Always Be 10 Steps Ahead of Yourself
Even without a twin flame, you’ve made it to 10. There was no denying it. Something had shifted within you. You must have ascended to at least the 10th dimension. You know there is another article to write here. You’ll pull the truth out of thin air once again. You are beyond 10 now. Nobody has ever gotten to 11 before. This is getting fun. Those people back in 6D will be waiting for advice on how to get to where you are. The lists are endless.
You breathe a sigh of relief, feeling a little odd and wondering if the breath is just a dream. However, you know you have to be awake when you look across the universe and see me struggling with this list of dreams.
She’s only written down four dreams, you notice. You want to remind me that there is that Dream #5 about names and the Dream #6 about your genius, but you decide it’s best to let me live out my own karma. If I fail to get my list of dreams right, I’ll have to wait 10,000 more years before I ever have a chance to catch up with you. That is… unless I notice that dreamworld over there where four is the perfect number. Or — dare I even think of it — what if I decide to make up my own dreamworld where nobody’s counting.
You look again at your list of 10 articles, with article 11 waiting in the wings. You are feeling quite good, at least as good as you’ve ever felt in this dreamworld thus far.
“This is awake enough for now,” you decide. “I like it here.”
About Kathleen Stilwell
Kathleen is a dreamer, researcher, and wonderer — in awe of the transforming power of vision, courage, kindness and imagination.